Two months of MMA / life-change challenge have passed, the summer is here and I’ve got a lot to say and even more to do. So let’s cut to the chase.
The photo on the left is from summer 2009, when I was sunburnt in Rome and in moderate shape. The one on the right is from last Monday, as I’m upping my tan game here in Finland, with strength and endurance levels of Montgomery Burns from The Simpsons. Weight is approximately the same in both photos.
Here are the extremities regarding my weight during the time between these pics:
Lowest weight was 72 kg (159 lbs) in 2010, when I was in South-East Asia
Highest weight was way over 100 kg (220 lbs) ca. 2013, when I lived in Sweden
At the beginning of 2017 I still weighed over 90 kg (198 lbs)
As you can see, it’s been quite a rollercoaster. Now the circle has closed and I’ve made a life-long commitment towards balance and well-being.
My first goal with this total life & body transformation was to get in ”summer shape” and to burn fat – getting below 80 kg to feel more like myself again, and to actually start already getting closer to fight weight. Since I was so low on energy while doing this, I kinda got two birds with one stone by using these weeks in June solely on work, work, work and fasting, fasting, fasting.
Results followed, and now my weight is 78,1 kg (172 lbs) and phase 1 is thus completed. On day one, 66 days ago, I still weighed 87,3 kg so I dropped over 9 kg (20 lbs) in two months and something like 12 kg (26 lbs) in less than six months – Gagoosh!
Phase 2: MMA ACTION
With results, I don’t mean just the fat-burning. I’ve been silent for the past few weeks because past month was an exception, and nothing really happened with my MMA quest except me doing insane fasting. Certain critically important things took all my attention as I moved to ”phase 2” with my cannabis work as well. Now it is done and the big pieces are moving in Finland’s cannabis scene. You’ll all see what I mean later this year.
Off we go with new goals and new results. My little side project along with actual MMA training and gaining functional strength is to increase muscle mass specifically on these areas:
Deltoids (the most important)
Trapezius (and latissimus dorsi)
But the absolute main goal is to learn how to fight, and I’ll start technical training and increasing the amount and intensity of my workouts immediately. My diet for now is mostly ketogenic and vegan/vegetarian with some exceptions. I’ll talk more about all these topics soon via other blog posts and videos.
Once a month, to celebrate and to take a break from the ascetic discipline, I’ll allow myself to eat anything I want. (I had a super feast in France, but that doesn’t count now heheh.) This time I got all sorts of candy and carbs, but I didn’t really enjoy devouring them at all. No, I don’t need comfort food anymore, it’s been a mere survival mechanism for me in the past months. Now I want to start building my body and exploring my limits.
But if I want to stay this active with my projects and AVOID ANY NASTY BURN-OUTS, I also must rest.
First I was supposed to rest a few days after returning from the near-epic French invasion. Well, that ”rest” turned out to be two weeks of non-stop work with double speed and five nights without any sleep. Last weekend I tried to have a regular weekend but no, still waiting for a moment to rest.
Today and tomorrow I’m taking it as easy as possible and I’ll focus on recharging my batteries. Just doing some pleasant tasks like editing videos from the past weeks and uploading them on YouTube. As a serious workaholic I know I won’t be able to stay away from LOHARI.NET (the brand-new 3.0 version is quite cool, I must say!) but I’ll only work on something fun like making new graphics. And I’ll stop working early, sleep late and all that good relaxing stuff.
That’s it for now. Keep on keeping on, you’ll hear from me fairly soon again!
”To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” –Friedrich Nietzsche
”On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.”
Getting ready for some black metal open air live action in France in two weeks. With the attendance of approx. 180.000 visitors, Hellfest is probably the biggest festival where a metalhead can play these days, not including Rock in Rio and some other mammoths.
And by the way, I’m pissed off.
I’m actually really, really angry about few things – but about the following topic, I’m just upset at myself.
Ever since I moved to Sweden and due to several reasons, my technique as a guitar player has been steadily declining. And oh yes, I’ve been aware of that.
The absurd daily choices I currently have to make regarding prioritating things in my life (choosing, say, between someone’s health, or even life [not kidding or exaggerating here], and my personal well-being or certain duties) are just another sign for me, that it’s the end of the road for the way some things have been going for a long time now.
As great as that weekend was, meeting-people-wise, my last gig was a much needed wake-up call for me. Probably the lowest moment I’ve ever felt as a musician in my life.
Now that the burn-out is somewhat behind me and I no longer need to force myself out of bed and I’m not getting anxiety attacks and seeing spots after writing a few emails, I can actually apply the philosophy I’m all about. Which of course is:
Face things and conquer them.
I played a show in which I sucked giant balls and I’ve got no one else than myself to blame.
Okay, cool, let’s OWN IT.
A certain concept has appeared in the MMA community, which holds value to absolutely everyone, who is interested in making their life better. It’s called ”win or learn.” Failure can be the biggest catalyst for change and success and this is exactly how I decided to face this dud, which at the time seemed like the end-of-the-world catastrophe in my perfectionist mind.
Let’s make one thing clear: I have absolutely no excuses about my subpar performance.
No blaming circumstances here either, however impossible they might be. It’s all irrelevant and the result of my own choices.
Man up, suck it up and fix it instead. Take a look in the mirror, no matter how much it stings, and evolve. Embrace the painful feeling of failure and use it as a guide to harvest more of your potential, and act instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
Current life priorities in a nutshell
Even before this shit sandwich, since June 1st to be precise, I’ve been immersed on:
I don’t want to focus on anything else in my life right now.
There’s still some “stuff in the basement” and like I mentioned, some other recent situations are upsetting me as well. That’s the fuel to push through adversity, fatigue, critique from others, and to each day become something better than the day before.
And remember, there’s a big difference between being an aggressive / angry person, and being angry to some unjust situations or certain events in life. I believe in harvesting and channeling that anger into dedication and singular focus – to make one’s vision into reality. Otherwise, it’s going to slowly grind you to dust and prevent you from finding that happiness, which we all seek.
What this means in this particular case is that I’m going to reconquer that 250–270 bpm throne and make it my comfort zone again this summer. If my Classic White Gibson Explorer reads this, you should prepare for war and torment buddy.
Although with another band, the upcoming Hellfest show will be my first chance to redeem myself, so you can bet your bollocks to a barn dance that I will take the preparations and rehearsing over-the-top seriously.
So kids, if you screw up, own it and turn it into a triumph and a valuable learning experience, which it is.
Increscunt Animi, Virescit Volnere Virtus.
PS. Probably already this year, you’ll hear me for the first time singing clean lead vocals… perhaps in more than one band/project.
PPS. EDIT 2017-06-06: Revised this quite a bit, since this post along with its message are very important for me. (And since excessive cursing never looks / sounds as impressive as one might think “in the heat of the moment.”)
But hey, wait… since when I’ve began to feel embarrassed for cursing? Since now, I guess.
Time to lock up the china, the boys are at it again!
Ever had a smooth gig weekend, when you had fun watching bands and meeting friends, partying all weekend while SIMULTANEOUSLY keeping that demanding day job in check? Me neither. For me, it’s always been either a total alcoholic and/or drug-induced coma (when I get nothing done) or a work marathon, staring at my laptop (when I miss all the fun).
Well, not this time. This weekend I’m aiming high with my goals to somewhat grasp the concept of ’balance’; I’m going to enjoy leisure time with my pals along with short bursts of productiveness, some stage time looking sharp, and of course partying till the wheels fall off. KA-DOOSH!
And as the cherry on top, I’m even trying to avoid getting a hangover.
Okay, I might’ve gone a bit too far with the hangover thing. Let’s just say that I’ll try to avoid those soul-killingly bad godzilla hangovers, at least.
”But Tuomas, how can you achieve all this?” I’m glad you asked! Listen, pre-planning is key here.
The successfull Partying-yet-Productive weekend package™ comes with the following recipe:
minor allowances with the diet
a teaspoon of focus
an ounce of will power
drops of nasty haze mixed with alcohol
a fistful of metal
Shake and stir with force and hatred. To enhance the effect of the smoothness, I accomodate myself to Tanssisali Lutakko today already. *smooth disco dancing*
I’m in a strange, strange, situation right now. Some things have come up that I must do.
I need to say this openly because I don’t have the time nor energy to contact those concerned individually, my friends, and because this is bugging the hell out of me.
The thing is that I feel absolutely terrible about neglecting my duties towards some friends’ projects, and perhaps even neglecting my duties as a friend (just to make it clear, I ain’t talking about band stuff). I’ve also had to channel my resources from building my company (which in turn is connected to all this) into doing what’s RIGHT instead of what’s profitable. The amount of literally life-and-death-urgent matters, which cannot wait another day, is piling up fast. So fast, that I actually need to re-structure my own daily work, as I don’t manage to have time to do what I’m ”supposed” to do anymore.
This means that in order to get certain shit done, I need to forget the fool’s hope of having an organized life any time soon, and pretty much just wing it.
I’d really like to chill out and catch up with my friends now that I’m in Finland, and focus on the remnants of my personal life a bit more. But if I don’t do these things I have to, I couldn’t live with myself. So what choice do I have?
None. What I’m referring to involves helping – or at least trying to help – chronic pain patients, people suffering from MS, epilepsy, and other severe illnesses. A large part of them COULD be helped, but the system just doesn’t give a damn. To be more accurate, I’d say the system specifically denies these patients a potent and safer option than many of their current synthetic products. For profit.
Bear with me, I’m almost done.
Well, actually we’re only halfway through. Here’s just a couple of examples, so you’ll get a better idea of what I mean.
I have tons of unanswered emails and messages (don’t we all?). I also have tons of unread messages as well. For instance: a Finnish father of a small girl had approached me, asking for help or advice, because without help he’d have to move away from Finland to become a ”medical cannabis refugee” and leave his family and daughter here.
That message was from a year ago and I hadn’t even read it.
I am NOT going to let this happen again.
Few weeks ago my patient organization began having cases of terminal cancer patients. Soon after that, several extremely ill Finnish children. Needless to say but if someone has, say, three months to live, then whatever it is that can be done, cannot wait.
The good news is that I can actually make a difference here, in the broader scale. And believe you me; I’m going to do this one thing right in my life, and for the right reasons.
So, this is what’s up and why A) our project might be a tad late, or B) I haven’t gotten back to you in a while regarding practical matters. But rest assured, I absolutely WILL get in touch – soon. But whatever it is, it has to wait just a little bit longer.
For that, I sincerely apologize.
The entire MMJ situation in Finland is such a complete clusterfuck, that I simply can’t half-ass this. Someone has to be all in. But as much as it’ll still take to change things for the better, things are already getting better. Actually both in Finland’s medical cannabis situation and on a personal level.
I have approximately one (new) friend with whom I’ve been staying in contact with. Thanks for kinda keeping me sane, by the way. With that thread of a social life, together with upcoming gigs, festival shows, regular exercise and paying attention to rest and nutrition, I think in the summer my old friends will meet that same ”crazy happy Finn, who actually talks.”
That guy had disappeared for quite some time.
Let’s end this strong, let’s go poetic. Some day I want to have children, but I can’t bring them to a society like this. Not without making some kind of a stand against this insane corruption, which goes on at the expense of the ill and only for short-sighted individual profit. Organized criminal corruption, which in Finland is called ”healthcare”, ”substance abuse care” and ”drug laws”.
The rest follows therefrom. OSS!
PS. To friends who are nurses, doctors, law officers and such: I don’t mean every single person working in those abovementioned industries. I trust that you understand what I mean. Feel free to comment, if triggered. 🙂
PPS. It’s 3:30 a.m. while writing this… hopefully now that I got this out of my chest, I can fall asleep. (EDIT: nope.)
Surprise, motherfuckers! Unlike I wrote earlier, I’m not leaving Deathchain after all.
This cancellation of my departure was decided right after our last gig, which took place at SaariHelvetti last year. After the gig I had a talk with Corpse, and when I heard that the other DC members didn’t want me to leave, I realized that I didn’t want to leave either.
In the past few years I’ve been actively destroying my old behaviour and thought patterns and I’ve been also leaving many things (and people) behind me. But during SaariHelvetti I noticed that Deathchain was not one of those things. When I joined Deathchain back in 2007, we all agreed that this would be the FINAL line-up from now on.
And as King Diamond wisely suggests, let’s not break that oath.
So, the old corps is back together again and DEATHCHAIN’s next live offense to your senses shall manifest at the funeral of our comrades’ group – namely the unholy SOTAJUMALA. We’ll help lay the rotting carcass of ”Sotis” to rest at Lutakko, further info can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1205651719524017/
My recent small hiatus from almost all musical activity is now over and as a refreshed man, I’m basically oozing motivation to get back on the horse! From now on, I’ll probably limit my musical focus with ”other-than-my-very-own-bands” to playing live shows and participating in studio recordings. In other words: all the stuff I’ll write from now on, shall be for my own bastard children, which at the moment are Forgotten Horror and one or two unrevealed projects… you’ll hear more from those projects, and from FH camp, soon enough.
(Of course, should I feel like it, in the future I might write stuff for other bands as well. No need to limit myself here just for the sake of it, so let’s just see how it goes.)
My gig calendar for this year looks quite empty – just as planned. Confirmed shows at the moment are:
Deathchain at Lutakko, Finland on May 13th, with Sotajumala and Torture Killer
True Black Dawn at Hellfest, France on June 16th-18th with Aerosmith, Deep Purple, Slayer, Rob Zombie, Sabaton, Kreator, Opeth, Behemoth… etc. etc.
Also, after a gazillion obstacles, today is finally the first day of my one-year MMA challenge (which has been… ehh… ”SLIGHTLY” delayed and postponed multiple times). I’ll try to blog about that stuff almost daily – alas, in Finnish. But worry not! I’ll also write an English update every week or month, or something like that.
That’s it for now. It’s going to be one hell of a year, so stay evil and seeya on the road!