Five years.

Five years.

26 JUL 18 – 0333 HRS

Five years.

For five years, life has consisted of misery, obstacles, poverty, illness, hardships, accidents, betrayal, and death.

Five. Long. Years.

I look into the mirror, and I don’t recognize myself anymore.

I have become weak.

I have become disorganized.

I have become lost.

Then—a thought. A crystalline diamond-thunderbolt shot through my brain, penetrating my consciousness. I bathed in the INESCAPABLE realization, in the finality of that realization.

I bathed in the purity of it.

I realized that I was just where I belonged. I was at home. All this time, I had been at home. A rush of pleasure and calm ran through my entire being.

Home is endless struggle and endless suffering. An endless effort on trying to become better. Every waking hour of every single day.

The path of life is that of adversity. Its love is pain.

So merciless in its simplicity. So pure in its unfairness.

And thus I made a commitment. A commitment to devote myself entirely to this ideal. To BECOME that ideal. To earn its cold embrace each day.

That ideal is DISCIPLINE, and I have chosen to become its pupil.

Photo taken in Stockholm, Sweden, exactly five years ago.

Initiating the mission.

Initiating the mission.

30 JUL 18 – 0523 HRS

This morning feels different. I feel different. Indifferent. It’s as if there’s a hidden tune, an underlying melody of tension and excitement, playing in the universe this morning. And only I can hear its secret pulse.

Got an email from the national television again. No time to reply, screw it. Screw them. The mission is the priority.

I rather do what I do nowadays; avoid being caught by the authorities.

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RELIGION: DISCIPLINE

A companion to the Crucible Major series. Thoughts about life, perseverance and discipline.

“For a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories.” —Plato

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