”On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.”
Getting ready for some black metal open air live action in France in two weeks. With the attendance of approx. 180.000 visitors, Hellfest is probably the biggest festival where a metalhead can play these days, not including Rock in Rio and some other mammoths.
And by the way, I’m pissed off.
I’m actually really, really angry about few things – but about the following topic, I’m just upset at myself.
Ever since I moved to Sweden and due to several reasons, my technique as a guitar player has been steadily declining. And oh yes, I’ve been aware of that.
The absurd daily choices I currently have to make regarding prioritating things in my life (choosing, say, between someone’s health, or even life [not kidding or exaggerating here], and my personal well-being or certain duties) are just another sign for me, that it’s the end of the road for the way some things have been going for a long time now.
As great as that weekend was, meeting-people-wise, my last gig was a much needed wake-up call for me. Probably the lowest moment I’ve ever felt as a musician in my life.
Now that the burn-out is somewhat behind me and I no longer need to force myself out of bed and I’m not getting anxiety attacks and seeing spots after writing a few emails, I can actually apply the philosophy I’m all about. Which of course is:
Face things and conquer them.
I played a show in which I sucked giant balls and I’ve got no one else than myself to blame.
Okay, cool, let’s OWN IT.
A certain concept has appeared in the MMA community, which holds value to absolutely everyone, who is interested in making their life better. It’s called ”win or learn.” Failure can be the biggest catalyst for change and success and this is exactly how I decided to face this dud, which at the time seemed like the end-of-the-world catastrophe in my perfectionist mind.
Let’s make one thing clear: I have absolutely no excuses about my subpar performance.
No blaming circumstances here either, however impossible they might be. It’s all irrelevant and the result of my own choices.
Man up, suck it up and fix it instead. Take a look in the mirror, no matter how much it stings, and evolve. Embrace the painful feeling of failure and use it as a guide to harvest more of your potential, and act instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
Current life priorities in a nutshell
Even before this shit sandwich, since June 1st to be precise, I’ve been immersed on:
I don’t want to focus on anything else in my life right now.
There’s still some “stuff in the basement” and like I mentioned, some other recent situations are upsetting me as well. That’s the fuel to push through adversity, fatigue, critique from others, and to each day become something better than the day before.
And remember, there’s a big difference between being an aggressive / angry person, and being angry to some unjust situations or certain events in life. I believe in harvesting and channeling that anger into dedication and singular focus – to make one’s vision into reality. Otherwise, it’s going to slowly grind you to dust and prevent you from finding that happiness, which we all seek.
What this means in this particular case is that I’m going to reconquer that 250–270 bpm throne and make it my comfort zone again this summer. If my Classic White Gibson Explorer reads this, you should prepare for war and torment buddy.
Although with another band, the upcoming Hellfest show will be my first chance to redeem myself, so you can bet your bollocks to a barn dance that I will take the preparations and rehearsing over-the-top seriously.
So kids, if you screw up, own it and turn it into a triumph and a valuable learning experience, which it is.
Increscunt Animi, Virescit Volnere Virtus.
PS. Probably already this year, you’ll hear me for the first time singing clean lead vocals… perhaps in more than one band/project.
PPS. EDIT 2017-06-06: Revised this quite a bit, since this post along with its message are very important for me. (And since excessive cursing never looks / sounds as impressive as one might think “in the heat of the moment.”)
But hey, wait… since when I’ve began to feel embarrassed for cursing? Since now, I guess.